Am I Alone in All This?

Dragana Potpara

24, Oct 2021

Alone. Nobody likes that word because nobody likes to be alone. Being alone is not pleasant, being alone scares us, being alone makes us feel sad, and that is why we can’t stand being alone.

Therefore, to avoid being alone, we surround ourselves with people. We find ourselves some company so that we make sure that we won’t stay alone. Even though we don’t have many things in common with that company and even though that company is draining out the energy from us, we willingly ignore that because better staying without energy than without a company. Actually, we never truly stay without company because even in the cases when all the people abandon us there is still someone left to make us company.

That someone is Silence, and it loves to visit us when there’s no one else around. It loves to knock at our door when we stay home alone, although we don’t like this visitor at all. We don’t like when it comes to see us because we know that there’s nothing to talk about with it. This visitor likes silence. It likes the silence so much that it even named itself by it.

And what about us? We don’t like silence, the same as we don’t like being alone. Many things are not by our liking here, but we mustn’t forget something that we do like, and that is the company. No, not the company of our frequent visitor, Silence, but the company of others, the company of other people that don’t let us stay alone. And we don’t let them stay alone either. We are so good friends, and that is why we help each other out by not letting the other one stay alone. This is what good friends do, this is what we stand for and this is what helps both sides to avoid the visits of Silence.

However, if we would look a bit deeper at our interests, we would immediately notice that we don’t have many things in common with our good friends that don’t let us stay alone and in the company of Silence. Truth to be told, the only thing we have in common is the fear of being alone, which is why we are there for each other to keep ourselves away from that fear and to keep ourselves away from the Silence.

We are afraid so much of that Silence, but we have never even met it in person properly. We didn’t have any opportunity for that since, each time when Silence would knock at our door, we would invite someone else to come to our place because we didn’t want to stay alone with the Silence. If we would stay alone with it, what would we talk about then? How would our conversation look like if the Silence doesn’t like to speak much? Actually, it doesn’t like to speak at all, which means that there would be only us in the Silence’s company with that awkward quietness around. Even just a thought of that makes us feel uncomfortable and afraid, which is why our good friends will stay beside us, and we will stay beside them as well so that both sides will be saved from the company of Silence.

Okay, so it’s obvious that we, as well as our good friends, don’t like Silence, mostly because we are afraid of it, and we never even gave ourselves the opportunity to get to know it better. But is there anyone who got to know that Silence which causes us so many fears? Is there anyone who spent some time in its company and saw how it is to be around Silence, or better said, how it is to be surrounded by Silence? When it comes for a visit, Silence doesn’t sit only on one chair in our living room. No, it likes to make itself feel comfortable, thus it occupies the entire room, and not only one room though.

Usually, when our uninvited visitor Silence comes to see us, it gets spread all over the place, so it’s present everywhere, in each part of our flat or house. That is why, even if we would want to, there is nowhere to escape from it. But it’s okay, we don’t need to escape from it. The one escaping will be the Silence once it hears that our good friends are coming over to our place. Or one good friend. It doesn’t really matter how many of them there are, as long as the Silence is gone, we can consider ourselves being on safe.

No, our good friends are not the ones who got to know the Silence. They are the same as we, afraid of it and trying to stay away from its company. And where are the ones who got to know it? How come that they are not afraid to spend some time with it?

Where are they it’s quite difficult, almost impossible to answer. But once there was circulating a story about one girl who got to know the Silence in person. According to the story, the girl was extremely courageous and had some superpowers as well. One of these superpowers was her ability to stay alone without being afraid of it. And not only that she wasn’t afraid of it, but she truly enjoyed staying alone because she knew that her good friend Silence would come for a visit.

Many times, she would be the one to invite the Silence to come over. And no, she didn’t bake cookies to attract her guest to come for a visit. This girl knew exactly to what the Silence couldn’t resist and to what it would never say ‘no’ as an answer. The special secret of the girl was in quieting her mind and emptying it from all the thoughts that were occupying its space so that there would be some room for the Silence when it comes by.

The Silence was aware of this, and it always felt welcome in the girl’s place. That is why the Silence was visiting the girl quite often, each time when she would sit on a bed in her room and enter that thoughtless space of mind. She loved entering that space and she enjoyed staying in it more than anything else. The Silence loved that space as well, which is why they were often hanging around together, in the quiet place with no words nor thoughts either.

Over time, the girl and Silence became very good friends, and there was no other company that the girl would enjoy more than it was the one of Silence. And that was because Silence was a genuinely good friend. It was always there for the girl, even when everyone else would leave her. The Silence was there to give her support and consolation when she needed it the most.

The girl with superpowers was extremely grateful for that and she could never understand others who were afraid of Silence. She couldn’t understand why other people were afraid of it when in reality there wasn’t anything about Silence to be afraid of. The girl with superpowers felt a bit sorry for all of them because she knew what a great friend in Silence they could have, but they were depriving themselves of that friendship because of the fear in them. The same old fear that made them run away from Silence and the same old fear that wasn’t allowing them to stay alone.

In reality, it wasn’t the fear that wasn’t allowing them to stay alone because the fear in its essence doesn’t have any power to allow or not allow something to people. That what was happening behind that fear, in the busy minds of these people, was the one responsible for all the mess. Not the mess in their house, but the mess in their heads that had absorbed them so deeply in it that they couldn’t imagine themselves staying without it.

And staying alone meant staying without that mess, but they didn’t know how life could be possible without it. Thus, they were afraid of losing that mess, and therefore each time when they would stay alone and at risk of losing their mess, they would make sure to invite some of their good friends over so that the mess in their heads could be safe and protected. The mess in their heads was safe and protected, but they weren’t. Regardless of the company of the mess and their good friends, for some reason, they were feeling huge discomfort in themselves, a discomfort that was saying: something was not right.

So, they started wandering around in order to find out what went wrong and what was not right with them. Therefore, they invited even more of their good friends to come over, so that they could all together look for what was not right in their life. The trouble occurred when, after all that search, none of their friends could find what was not right with them either. And this was because their eyesight was blurred by all the things that were not right in their own lives, so it was impossible for them to help someone else find what they were all looking for.

And what was the thing that all these good friends were looking for? They didn’t know that. They only knew that something was not right and that they had to find out what that was. Perhaps the individual search would help, but that didn’t even come into consideration. The individual search would mean that they would have to stay alone, and we all know what was their attitude regarding it.

That is how the search continued, a search for what was not right in theirs, as well as in the lives of their good friends. And nobody knew how long that search would last. Nobody, except the girl with superpowers. But it was easy for her to know it because, unlike others, she was the one who had all these superpowers. She was the one who had the superpower of staying alone and quieting her mind, a superpower of clearing up the mess in her head, and the most important superpower of all: a superpower to be in the company of Silence. A place that not many manage to reach, but according to the story, those who eventually reach it are the only ones who get to know what true friendship is. A friendship between you and you, where everything is always right.

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